The importance of Fathers

                                                           ~Fathers~

Normally when you think about family life, you see the mother at home with the children and the Dad coming home in the evenings after work.  The dad holds more of a passive role and the mother plays the active role.  This doesn’t seem like there would be a huge problem with this.  But in reality, there is a huge effect on how much involvement the Dad has on his children’s life.  There are some aspects that I find more important than the others.
          First, is that the dad’s love has a huge impact on the children, just the same as the mom.  If the dad takes the time to both express and show his love, his children will only benefit from it.  Showing his love can be through spending quality time with them, leaving notes or getting gifts when away on trip.  Expressing love can happen through words, support, confidence and more,  “Overall, father love appears to be as heavily implicated as mother love in offspring’s psychological well-being and health, as well as in an array of psychological and behavioral problems.” (Rohner & Veneziano, 2001)

Second is Father-child involvement.  It is hugely important in a child’s development, because it can give the child the confidence he or she needs to become a well-rounded adult.  The child will have more successful and intimate relationships down the road with their peers, friends, and significant others.  It will also be easier to adjust to social changes such as entering high school, leaving home and going to college and much more.  If there is a healthy amount of father-child development, the child will grow up being more tolerant and understanding.  It is easier to interact in social settings if there is a parent to look to for guidance and examples of this.  There are statistics that prove that children are protected against delinquency if there is a stable father figure in a child’s life working at that relationship.  And I believe this to be so true.  Kids aren’t going to need to fill their lives with illegal, or sketchy activities if their family and home life is secure; especially if they have a good father figure to look up to.

            Third, is the quality of the co-parental relationship.  This relationship affects the child even if it is indirect.  When fathers are supportive and encouraging to their wives, they in turn will be more patient, flexible, emotionally responsive, sensitive, and available mothers to their infants and young children.  Increased self-control, academic competence and positive relationships can all come from a healthy relationship that the child witnesses between his mother and father.  “A positive co-parental relationship models many important relationship skills that children can use in their own relationships such as: providing emotional support, resolving conflict effectively, showing respect, and positive, open communication patterns (Amato, 1998)”

            Fourth, a father who has the provider role and goes to work is surprisingly important while raising a child.  There is a sense of security that the mother and child feel when the dad ‘brings home the bacon.’  Not only do the mother and children feel good, but the dad also feels a sort of authority, adequacy, and accomplishment when he is the provider for his family.  If the mom and dad both feel good about where they are, then the home is a happier place to be for the children living there.

    Lastly, balancing work and family is an important aspect in the home.  A father is defined as an involved father if his relationship with his child can be described as being sensitive, warm, close, friendly, supportive, intimate, nurturing, affectionate, encouraging, comforting, and accepting.  If the father works on some of these traits he is on a good path to create great relationships with his kids.

    People in today’s society don’t give the fatherly appearance in a home enough credit or weight.  But there is more than enough evidence to prove that there is a huge toll in the child’s life if the father is absent or neglectful of his duties.  I have been lucky enough to be blessed with a father who has excelled in all of these areas I have discussed, as well as more. 

    He loves and has learned how to express his love in the ways that is unique to each one of us kids, as we individually need it. He is actively involved in each of our lives, whether that being in school, sports, church, friends or decisions we have to make.  He has a healthy and happy relationship with my mom that creates a good environment for us kids to grow and learn in.  My dad also loves his job and has never complained about his days at work.  He loves what he does, and it shows every time he comes home.  Although he loves and breathes his job, he has always been good at creating a good balance between family and his work. He doesn’t neglect his family and bury himself in his work, nor does he ignore his job and spend all of his time at home.  To me, he is the ideal image of what any father and husband should be like. 
    My dad’s relationship and mine is a special one; we both respect and love each other on a mature level that has come with years of interaction.  There wasn’t a single point in time in which I realized that my dad and I are close, but there was a point in time when I noticed that this kind of relationship between child and father isn’t very common in the average American family.  My parents are a single unit in my eyes and I don’t keep information from one or the other.  When I need to make decisions, when I am upset or in a rough spot I consult both of my parents because they both raised me in a loving and well organized home with standards and rules that were to my benefit.  Many of my girl friends consider themselves ‘Mama’s girls’ but for me, because my dad has worked so hard to play an important role in my life, I categorize myself as a ‘parents girl’.

    I realized that my younger siblings are more open with my parents when they are faced with challenges, or problems.  There is a great sense of trust and confidence that my siblings have instilled in my parents equally.  Not just my mother even though she has always been the stay at home mom.   Because my dad has been such a constant and uplifting man in each of our personal lives, we feel comfortable with sharing our thoughts and spending time with him.  My little brother is learning what it means to be a man and provider and good person from my dad’s example.  My two younger sisters are learning how to be successful in life as well as how to be tolerant and kind and serve others around them, because my dad has taken the time to teach us these things.  I want to be able to teach my kids all of these things as well one day, but also have a strong husband at my side to give them something I could never give them.

            I hope that my husband will take an active role to ensure positive father involvement in the lives of my children. As I date, I look for qualities in a guy that my father has.  I want to marry a man who values his family and knows how to nurture his children along side his wife the same way my dad has illustrated all nineteen years of my life.  There are many ways that this can be done.  I know that for myself, I am a very nurturing person.  And with my kids I will want to love on them and do all that I can for them.  I watched my mother take care of my younger siblings, and when the time comes for me to have kids I will know exactly what to do.   But I think that it would be easy to get frustrated with my husband if he does something wrong, or not the way I would have done it, such as putting the diaper on wrong, or who knows what else.  I want to encourage my husband and help him be involved in our children’s lives as early as possible.  Not criticizing and correcting him will be something I will personally work on, because I don’t want to shut him out in any way. 

    Another thing I can do to make sure that my kids and husband have a great relationship is to encourage daddy-daughter dates, and father-son outings.  I did this when I was younger with my dad as did all of my siblings.  This allowed us to talk and open up and just spend quality time together that I think can be overlooked with how busy our lives get.  Knowing that dad wants to make time for you is a great feeling.  But also knowing that you can trust and open up to him is something entirely different. 

    A father’s role should not be undermined.  He plays a huge role in the outcome of his children’s lives.  Children deserve to have a real father, and fathers deserve the chance to be real dads.